A homestay is not a hotel with a family photo in the hallway. You are joining someone's household for a stretch of days or weeks, with its own rhythms, its own unspoken rules and its own idea of what "helping yourself" means. That is exactly why it can be the best part of a trip — and why a few honest questions beforehand save everyone a week of polite discomfort.
Hosts rarely mind being asked. What they mind is discovering on day three that you expected to cook your own dinner, or that you assumed a lock on your door. The trick is to ask early, ask specifically, and keep the answers in writing. Below are the seven questions worth sending before you pay a deposit.
1. What does an ordinary weekday look like?
Ask the host to walk you through a normal Tuesday: what time the house wakes, whether breakfast is eaten together or grabbed standing up, when people leave, when dinner happens, and when the lights go out. This one question tells you more about daily compatibility than any description of the house.
Push for the edges of the week too. Some families treat Sunday as a full day with grandparents, aunts and a long lunch, and they may expect you to come along. Others scatter to their own rooms and barely surface. Neither is wrong, but knowing which you are walking into helps you plan your own time — and avoids the awkwardness of vanishing on the day your host had been counting on company.
Ask about work and the house's centre of gravity
If your host runs a shop below the flat, teaches from the living room, or keeps animals that need feeding at six in the morning, that rhythm will shape your stay. It is fair to ask whether you would be expected to help, and how often.
2. Who else lives here, and who else is staying?
Get names, ages and relationships, plus a quick note on anyone who visits often. A house with three small children and a grandmother is a warm place and a noisy one; a house with one quiet adult is a different experience entirely. Ask about pets and about smoking indoors, since both are hard to negotiate after arrival.
Then ask the question people forget: are there other guests or students staying at the same time? A second guest changes the language balance, the bathroom queue and the atmosphere at dinner.
3. What exactly is included in meals?
Ask how many meals a day are provided, whether you eat with the family or at a separate time, and what happens if you are out at dinner. Some hosts cook once and expect you there; others leave a plate covered in the kitchen. If eating together is part of the deal, say so plainly if you plan to be out two evenings a week.
If you have dietary needs, describe them in specific terms rather than labels — what you eat, what you cannot eat, and whether you cook for yourself when needed. Confirm whether you may use the kitchen, when it is free, and whether there is shelf and fridge space for your own food. Also ask what the household drinks and whether tap water is filtered or bought bottled, so you can plan accordingly.
4. How much privacy and independence will I actually have?
This is where expectations diverge most. Ask whether the room has a door that closes properly and a lock, whether you get a key to the front door, how many people share the bathroom, and whether Wi-Fi reaches your room. If you work or study remotely, ask whether there is a table and whether the house is quiet enough during the day.
Then ask about comings and goings. Is there a curfew? Is coming home at midnight acceptable, and if so, how quietly? Some hosts are relaxed about hours but strict about noise; others are the reverse. You want to know which rule you will be tested on.
5. Which language will we speak, and how much correction is welcome?
If you are going abroad to practise a language, be direct: what will be spoken at meals, how much English the household uses, and whether they are willing to correct you. Some hosts chat naturally and correct nothing; others treat conversation as a lesson. Both are fine, but only one matches what you are hoping for.
Ask what happens when you do not understand something. A household that writes a word down or points at an object will teach you far more than one that simply switches to English. If you are a beginner, say so, and ask whether that is realistic for their household.
6. Which house rules should I know about before I arrive?
Rules that seem obvious to your host may be invisible to you. Ask them to list the ones guests usually get wrong. Useful things to cover:
- Shoes and clothing: indoors, and around the neighbourhood.
- Bathroom routine: order in the morning, water use, towels, drying laundry.
- Laundry: whether you may use the machine, on which days, and whether hand-washing is the norm.
- Heating, air conditioning and water: what is normal use, since these are often the household's biggest costs.
- Alcohol, smoking and religion: whether the household drinks, whether prayer happens at set times, and whether you would be expected to join or to stay out of the way.
- Guests and phone calls: whether you may invite someone over, and where to take long calls.
- Chores: clearing your plate, tidying shared rooms, taking out rubbish.
Ask for a written list if the family has one. Many do, and it means no one has to be the person who brings up the wet towel.
7. How do payment, changes and early departure work?
Confirm what the rate covers, when payment is due, what the deposit is and whether it is refundable. Ask what happens if your plans shift: extra nights, arriving a day late, leaving early because of illness or a change of schedule. Get the cancellation terms in writing by email before you transfer any money, and keep that message. If the sums are large or the terms unusual, it is worth taking proper advice rather than relying on a chat message.
Also ask who you should contact if something goes wrong during the stay, and how quickly they usually respond.
Turn the answers into one short email
Once you have replies, send a brief summary: arrival and departure times, meals, the key, the language you hope to practise, and anything you have agreed to help with. Ask the host to confirm or correct it. That single message becomes the shared version of the truth, and it is far easier to point to than a conversation half-remembered from six weeks ago.
Then prepare for the parts no questionnaire covers. Bring a small gift from home, learn a few phrases of greeting, and be a little more flexible than you think you need to be in the first two days while everyone works out each other's habits. Ask your questions now, arrive with clear expectations, and the stay gets to be what it should be: a stretch of ordinary life in someone else's home, which is the whole point.
Photo: zuzi99 / Pixabay
